‘She [laughed] and hoped I was happy having to work alone': Employee is the only one not invited to the company holiday party due to grade school level pettiness, HR does nothing

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Dec 19, 2023 12:00 PM EST

Company holiday parties can be SO amazing if you work in a healthy environment. When your coworkers are petty, managers entitled, and HR useless, then holiday work parties can turn out to actually be a huge source of anxiety. Take this recent employee who came to vent on Reddit. She was having a normal day at work until she stepped out to refill her water bottle and came back to an empty office. She looked around and found only one manager still there. She asked what was going on and the manager said she was too busy to go to the holiday party. Her deer-in-headlights look made it clear that OP was not invited. She always knew the manager who was throwing the party didn't like her, but she never knew why. Plus, they are both in their 50s and she figured they would act like adults towards each other. Instead, she gets thrust into this position that makes her feel like she's getting bullied in grade school all over again. And the way HR reacts when she sheepishly goes to them to convey her feelings about the situation is even more annoying. Why are work holiday parties like this??

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    Posted by u/memydogandeye 18 hours ago During-work Christmas party. Everyone invited except me. Nice.
    via u/memydogandeye
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    Just a vent, because I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself/having a pity party.
    via u/memydogandeye
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    I work in the corporate office for a retail chain. Walked out of my office to fill my water bottle a little bit ago and all but one person is gone. That was odd. Remaining coworker flagged me down for a question and mentioned she's "just
    via u/memydogandeye
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    too busy to go to the Christmas party". I looked at her with what I'm sure was a deer in the headlights look. She said, "Oh...didn't you get the email?" Of course not. Ugh.
    via u/memydogandeye
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    Turns out the manager of our local location was having a Christmas party today. (Local as in, in the same town. Not at the office, but at that store's location. Not where I physically work.)
    via u/memydogandeye
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    Everyone working at the area locations invited...except for me. <frustrated sigh> We're all well into adulthood. I'm close to 50, this store manager is 50+. For whatever reason the woman has never liked me and from what people have relayed to
    via u/memydogandeye
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    me, talks nasty about me on a regular basis. What's crazy is I have very little interaction or involvement with this person. Our jobs don't really overlap/have reason to communicate.
    via u/memydogandeye
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    On a personal level we don't have any overlap. I don't really know anyone in this area even though I live here (didn't grow up here). It feels like grade school all over again. (I was sent to a Catholic private school,
    via u/memydogandeye
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    as a poor kid who lived in a mobile home - you can imagine how that went. My Mom *meant* well but it was not good.)
    via u/memydogandeye
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    Anyway, this is embarrassing and mortifying. I feel like an a**. Our CEO, HR - everyone but the 2 of us are at this party. Do I say anything to anybody? It feels so petty to mention it to HR or the CEO, but part of me wants to.
    via u/memydogandeye
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    Partly because this is crappy behavior that shouldn't be done by someone in management and partly because I don't want to be seen as the person who doesn't participate/isn't a team
    via u/memydogandeye
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    player (because surely they don't know I wasn't invited). So that's me. Typing and whining into the void.
    via u/memydogandeye
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    Edit: Holy cow, my end of day "oh woa is me" whine took off. I will edit this to explain what I can and answer individually as soon as I can.
    via u/memydogandeye
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    1. We truly don't talk about events amongst ourselves. Everyone talks about home life, kids/spouses, what they're doing for the weekend, what's going on in town and so on but when there's parties and so on we just all sort of show up.
    via u/memydogandeye
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    Example: Our office (+roving district and region managers) Thanksgiving potluck this year had a dress-up theme. It was on the emailed invitation. Only 4 people dressed up. When
    via u/memydogandeye
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    someone brought up "why are you guys dressed like X?" the gal who organized the party said it was on the invitation. Everyone who didn't dress up was like, "What?! I didn't see that!"
    via u/memydogandeye
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    So, yeah, we had a month together in between the invitation and event and no one discussed it with each other beyond signing up for what they were bringing. Normally when we have a fun event like that, people DO dress up, so it really was just honest not seen/glossed
    via u/memydogandeye
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    over. There isn't a break room or anything where people gather for conversation, just a common area at the front of the office with an extra desk. Everyone is in their own office except for receptionist. Conversation
    via u/memydogandeye
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    is usually just to/from the restroom or if you happen. to stop in someone's office for a question/to bring them something.
    via u/memydogandeye
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    2. I went to our HR when I noticed she was back. It's a casual, smaller place, so I just stood at the doorway and said, "Hey I'm gonna vent..." She did agree that it was ridiculous and brought up a "clique-y" lunch that was had last week that she
    via u/memydogandeye
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    was left out of. (There were a bunch of food samples being tried in the common area by a group. I went out and just asked what was up and dug in. HR's office is sort of out of the way and no one went down to get her/tell her there was food. I felt bad.)
    via u/memydogandeye
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    HR did tell me that our other immediate-area retail store is having a Christmas party on Monday that she noticed both she and I are not invited to. Well that wasn't pleasant to hear. That store's manager and I have a great relationship in our dealings, so this is
    via u/memydogandeye
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    in our dealings, so this is pretty saddening. 3. HR has no teeth. HR is the niece of the company's founders. Company's founder gave full control of the company and the stock to the CEO last year (they retired). The didn't give it to niece because
    via u/memydogandeye
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    they are old school elderly that think that women should not be in leadership roles/only be secretarial. It had been known and planned this way for some time. CEO and HR loathe each other and CEO is pushing her out. HR is leaving next
    via u/memydogandeye
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    year. Example: CEO can be a handful. He was totally sexually harassing someone in the office years ago. Groping (even in front of people), asking her to meet up and have sex, and so on. One day woman had enough, told him off and walked out.
    via u/memydogandeye
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    Woman came back to HR to complain and tell her side and HR told her (HR even tells us this), "He's the President of the company, unfortunately he can do what he wants..." HR has been minimized for years.
    via u/memydogandeye
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    4. 25+ retail locations in 3 states, but we're "small". It's (was) a family business and there aren't HR policies written up. There is an old handbook, typewritten and copied,
    via u/memydogandeye
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    that just talks about things like what paid holidays there are, what full time means and so on. No corporate HR policies like normal more formally organized companies.
    via u/memydogandeye
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    5. Smaller office, 20 daily dwellers. 6. It was intentional. A coworker came into my office when they came back. Said that the store manager made a comment in front of her and someone else that
    via u/memydogandeye
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    "haha,"she hoped I was happy having to work alone. 7. I am a long time employee (12+ years) and that retail manager has been here even longer. Is
    via u/memydogandeye
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    known as being very vocal and "gruff" but we've never tussled over anything that I can recall. She isn't *my* manager, just a retail manager. If I had to rank it, we would be either equal or maybe me a step below her.
    via u/memydogandeye
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    8. My direct manager is great with most things, just not something like this. Well-liked, fair, patient, kind and smart. She will help you with any question or teach you how to do something at the drop of a hat, with a smile.
    via u/memydogandeye
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    But when it comes to needing help with another department or people- stuff she is completely hands off/will not back you up. She's said that she didn't want nor ask for the promotion/created title
    via u/memydogandeye
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    she got and when it comes to that type of the managing stuff, you're on your own unfortunately.
    via u/memydogandeye

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